Inside Job

Visual Alchemy 33

 Visual Alchemy

This is in collaboration with Leigh of, Not Just Sassy on the Inside…. We have been asked to write on the subject of Forgiveness, now many of us have written on forgiveness, but it is an ongoing process as long as we are in a body and still have an ego running the show more often than not. So forgiveness is an ongoing process. About a month ago, (and I wrote about it here) I did something that would give someone an opportunity to practice forgiveness. Lol Not for that reason, I just made a mistake. Just moments after I made this mistake, I knew that I had made a mistake. I had allowed the grumpy butt aspect of ego to act out. “Drats” I cursed at myself, “Why, oh why had I allowed Grumpy Butt ego to have a voice???” But alas I had, and the damage was done.

I have blogged before Neale Donald Walsh’s story “The Little Soul and the Sun,” and in my mind I always return to it. However even if I did give someone else an opportunity to forgive me, I would rather have not created that disturbance in the force. So now I have an opportunity to forgive myself. I have not been able to as of yet. I know better. How can I be a good example? How can I be a spiritual voice, when I allow anger to come forth from my mouth? I am ashamed of myself, and embarrassed by it. I know, I know, that sounds harsh and all my sweet blogger friends are going to tell me we are just human, and it is true, but I hold myself accountable. I am certain that this will not be the last occasion that I give myself an opportunity to forgive myself, but I will do my best to keep it to myself and just forgive the anger inside. I just do not wish to ripple any negatives into the universal field. I am sure you all understand that. However had I not made that mistake, it would not be out on the table for me to examine, the harsh light of day shinning right on the ugliness, revealing it. I suppose letting it issue forth in that vein was good because it is not hidden in the shadows but blatantly revealed.

So do we let our monsters out of the closet, or do we go in after them with a flashlight? A work in progress, we all are.

I am of the mind that I am not a victim, that you are not a victim, and that in this dualistic realm we inhabit, we are responsible for everything in our lives. Some people just don’t buy that concept, but self-sovereignty is my belief. I love being the creator of my existence, and owning all my stuff. So thank you Leigh for giving me the opportunity to review this. I was going to write about forgiving my father for not wanting to be a father, but I discovered I already had, there is nothing to forgive. Really, Forgiveness is an Inside Job.





19 thoughts on “Inside Job

  1. yogaleigh says:

    Great insight — thanks so much for contributing this!

  2. Thank you for your courageous openness. Blessings, Susan

  3. alohaleya says:

    i might have been one of those blogger friends who reminded you that you are human. ;) but then again, i do know where you are coming from. sometimes ppl tell me i am too hard on myself, when really what i’m seeing is that i’ve let myself fall into ego – and that it doesn’t need to happen so often! it’s all good. a beautiful post sister. aleya

  4. franheal says:

    Beautifully said dear Sindy. Thank you. We all have been there. I know how u feel. I am really hard on myself. Sometimes is hard to forgive myself. That seems to be when I get a lot of opportunities to forgive, even little things,like my higher self and guides are giving me opportunities to be more gentle with myself as I sometimes am just with others and not always with myself…and I clear clear away!!! :). Part of our refinement I guess. Much much love Sindy ❤️

    • Thank you so much Miss Fran. After spending 10 plus years in Gnosis where “self-observation” is key, I try not to look outside of self, and take responsibility, but at the same time, I still have to observe that thought, and its motivations as well. Ego is a tricky lil so and so.

      The relationship that I wrote about is still giving me opportunities, and my buttons are still being pushed. Yesterday i rose above and it took all my spiritual strength not to react. lol Still a work in progress but other than the initial acting out over a month ago, I am getting better, ;)

      Thank you so much for taking the time to read, it is greatly appreciated. Oh, and I saw Lakshmi in a meditation, was very cool. I didn’t get a chance to speak with her though. <3

      Much love

  5. Reblogged this on Sindy's Saturday Satsang and commented:

    Part of Leigh’s Forgiveness Round.

  6. Hi Sindy… I can so relate to someone pushing buttons as if they know they are putting us to the test… whether or not we bite back or understand and ignore the drama they choose to live in…

    I had to make sure that my ‘hidden issues’ that attracted them in the first place, came out of the dungeon… I did this by embracing all of my darkness and allowing them all to be part of me… (that we have been taught to hide away). Knowing it went very deep I allowed myself to express the traumas/emotions when they were ready to transmute back into neutral potential… ready to serve me again… and to this day I recognise them coming up. (The other day it happened and I just explained to the person what was happening and that it had nothing to do with them, but it was important it was released… and we ended up laughing about it…)

    For me it is important to be conscious and REAL about what is happening with myself and accept ALL of me… ALL of my darkness and ALL my light. It has given me the wisdom that IAM today. Allowing and loving ALL of myself keeps the real drama away and knowing any negative aspects that I put out there consciously, transforms back into neutral (so doesn’t add to the darkness out there).

    I’ve always wondered about forgiveness and feel that if we accept all of ourself there is no need to forgive. Or is acceptance forgiveness… ????

    Thanks so much Sindy for being a REAL divine sister and allowing us all to understand more of ourself. Take care, Barbara x

    • Wow Barbara thanks for such an eloquent, and insightful reply. Your comment is worthy of a post all its own. When sisters like you share in the conversation it really helps to shine the light of true comprehension. I am truly blessed to have such good sister friends like you Barbara.

      Yesterday she pushed at me again but its great because 10 years ago I would have become engaged in the battle for egoic power, now I feel I win when I rise above. However the old self resurfaced inside, I heard it, but just didn’t act on it. It is so juvenile and the stuff of high school. I feel this woman lacks some maturity but that is her business and not mine.

      Thanks again sister~ <3

  7. Forgiveness is an inside job…. yes so true.. it is often so much easier to forgive some one else… The hardest hurdles is to learn to forgive ourselves… Great post and advice :-)

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